Back to December....

I wish i could go back... back in time back to when i had time and hopes and dreams and expectations of tour but sadly i can't i wish i could have said some things and told people how i really felt instead of saying i was ok when i wasn't. Tour was ok but not great it had its ups and downs but it ended on a sour note..... Disney land was wonderful the first day i was happy excited laughing a ton and had the best time with friends. the second day could have gone better. i wish i was with those same friends as the day before but sadly i wasn't i was still with some of them but i was missing a certain person. we had talked about going to see the world of color together as a group .... it didn't happen. they saw it before the rest of us and while we were watching it by the Farris wheel i cried i didn't ball but i cried. and shed some tears i wasn't sad (ok maybe a little) but i was frustrated and i just wanted to be there with everyone else but i wasn't and i was pretty fine until he said he was sorry he wasn't with me and asked if i was ok and i lied. i wasn't ok but what can change the past? nothing! and i said yeah... and after that i regreted it and in my heart i was heartbroken and i wish he would have seen it with me but he didn't.... i was pretty stable and having a great time until it started singing so close. anyways i am sick of talking about that, its my fault i said what i did and pretended it was ok there is nothing i can do to change that now. anyways band fest was the next day and we spent a ton of time at band fest and riding the bus then we went to a pointless stake dance that i wish we never even had to go to ever! we were all exhausted and none of us wanted to stay up late surprise we wanted sleep! but no we didn't get any! surprise! :p anyway the next day we woke up early for church and then heard amazing speakers and then we went to the beach and swam in the freezing cold water! and Erik totally dunked me! i was freezing and my swim suit soaked through my pants and it looked very awkward... then we had to take a stupid Hollywood tour and i slept for the first part of it i think since i can't remember half of the stuff.... and to make it worse our tour guide had a weird accent that no one could figure out where she was from and then we sat on the bus listening to pointless things that no one really cared about then they let us walk around Hollywood...... it is a terrible place! inappropriate pictures and people are smoking and drinking and then there are homeless people sitting in trashcan getting high and eating pringles! it is so ridiculous! why would anyone want to live there life like that!? we all hated it and just wanted to leave! and eventually we did but we didn't leave soon enough that's for sure! then we all went to bed early and Wake up at like 4 to get ready for the parade and we did the rose parade and it wasn't as hard as i thought it was just annoying to have people scream at you from the crowd but other than that it wasn't that bad then we went back to the hotel went swimming and then pretty much just sat in our room and watched TV and then i took some walks just thinking about stuff and that was pretty my much my experience and i will spare you the little details and such but overall it wasn't terrible but it could have been better. just think before you say things because things get around and some secrets aren't kept. and they hurt people especially when they thought you were better than that but obviously you proved me wrong don't talk smack don't say things when you don't know the situation and don't call me something that i am most defiantly NOT! if you have a problem say it to my face not to your room hiding in shame from us because if i could describe what i feel its disappointment...... and being disappointed in someone is worse then being mad.