Baseball

I have always loved the sport
I have always had a thing for the players
I have always watched it with my family
I have always gone to games
I have always seen the inning
sang the songs
knew the players
booed when right
screamed when necessary
sat through wind, snow, and rain.
I have always loved it
I will always love it
and it's just part of my life.
I miss those high school baseball games
i miss cheering for my brother through the wind
and trying to catch foul balls for bubble gum
i miss those moments when you hear
the sound of a ball on a metal bat
i miss it
i miss the past
but that doesn't mean it won't be in my future.
Yes i am girl
and yes i am a girly one
but guess what i was raised with three brothers
and a dad who was a football player baseball player and wrestler
(and good ones at that)
(just pointing it out)
and yes he does seem scary but he's more like a teddy bear
(don't worry;)
I love sports
i will always love sports
and guess what, baseball is my favorite one
for reasons that are unknown to me.
right now I'm up to bat
and i am planning on hitting that home run
why settle for less than you know you have the potential to accomplish?
Sincerely- Just throw me that curve ball

nothing left to say.....

i have nothing left to say
i have nothing left to think
and i have nothing left to regret.
not a day goes by where i wish things hadn't happened.
with anything
with anyone.
because everything that i have gone through has made me the person i am today
and honestly it took me watching once upon a time to realize it
people could say that I'm not the only one with problems
and they would be correct 
I'm not saying i have the hardest life in the world
and I'm sorry if you got that impression.
but what does bug me is when you make a joke out of it.
you don't know me
you can't say anything about me like that.
I'm not mad I'm just hurt that you did.
when you have expectations of people and then they do something stupid to ruin it
it doesn't make them a terrible person and it doesn't make them stupid
but i can honestly say that because you said that, i don't think of you the same way.
you can make a joke out of my life
but i wont do the same to you.
in fact i hope your life is great and happy.
you just broke me into more pieces...
some are lost
some wont be found
but it's fine, i doubt it was your intention.
but thanks for making my week even worse.
as if i didn't have enough to deal with already.
now I'm not just scared.
I'm done.
with drama
it's pointless when it means nothing.
so farewell
you're not my biggest problem anymore.
goodbye
sincerely- don't get your hopes too high

an unrequited journey

Before i begin.
No, i am not posting about a boy,
it's more of a story, an end to a journey,
and a beginning of an adventure,
no I'm not talking love, or of the male gender,
or heartbreaks ( in relationships that is.)
it's more like saying a final farewell to winter guard.
last week i wrote a poem after everything
had been over and done with,
i wrote a poem and honestly
poetry is my best friend right now.
it knows me in a sense,
i understand it,
and i can find what people are trying to say
or what i am trying to say, sometimes,
sometimes we just need to write.
sometimes you look at people you have known forever
and realize you don't know them anymore
I'm sorry to say that this has happened
but it has
but right now life is just something that some don't understand
and no it has nothing to do with the past few months
more of the past few years
that no one has seen
or heard of except one possibly two people.
i have been trying to see the distance of how far i have come
since i had taken those steps backwards and i have seen them
but every day i seem to just look at everything as a whole
instead of taking it slowly and honestly i get scared.
i get scared a lot. more than any of you possibly know.
not of horror movies
or people sneaking up behind me and screaming
but of myself i have come to realize.
sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night
and just walk around my house
and wonder and think of, things of people,
of real and fake,
of life and death,
of friends and enemy's,
of lies and trust.
but sometimes i just write.
more like type on my little
(more like huge) computer in my room
and just write my feelings and ideas.
it's what i live for.
the moments of just simply putting words on paper
weird i know but i love it.
 now with that introduction of what seems to be
 my whole life story here's my poem if you care to even read it



An unrequited journey...

The absence of something real you felt still lives inside your head.

wanting to break even with the thoughts that were never said.

the absence of love is what you have

waiting and longing for more.

you wish you never opened that gateway to the core.

the core of which we speak is among living and of dead.

living in each, with memories, inside of all our heads.

death as in all the separation of time waiting to the day

in which we say, the absence has gone from mine

living in each moment just seeming to stand still.

waiting in the pasture on a soft green tall hill

waiting to see if it was even real.

comparing to others, looking for more.

opening and closing too many doors.

you go back to one that keeps calling you in.

saying to you, "please, open me again."

it was the first door and it was the last

what seemed so fragile then is no longer glass.

the difference is the key is there to stay at last.

breaking down the door of what you did before

doesn't have to happen anymore

beginning to end you felt all of the wind.

no shortcuts, no tricks, no mimics,

just sticks

it hurt while you searched and knocked on all of those doors

but it was worth the work of finding the one you have seen before

unrequited you are no more