an exciting rush :)

so guess what......
I asked someone to SADIE'S!!!!!!
i did it!
i got out of my comfort zone
made a creative cute scavenger hunt he went on
and had my lovely friend Tony help me with it ;)
i have been happy and excited all day!!!
it's been a long time since i have felt this good
but i think it needed to happen!
I'm SO amazingly happy and excited
i just want to know his answer...
we will wait and see so until then
i must help my fellow friends ask and answer :)
it's a good day to start a good week :)
wish me luck!!!!
sincerely,
i just had a Kodak moment :)

so much yet not enough...

im  doing everything i can
and yet it feels like i should do more
i feel like i need to just see a different light
but everything is overwhelming but it's weird
i like it but i don't....
i want to go to sadies but i feel so awk
i don't know how i would ask
i have an idea of who but who knows?
i just want to feel special
for once
i just want to feel like someones there
i want to see what im missing
i want to see why
i want to know how to change
but somehow i just cant
i just wish i were different
but i love the way i  am
i just wish everyone could know about my thoughts
but no one cares to ask
sometimes i wish people wouldnt use sarcasm
just some people its ok with others
sometimes i wish people wouldn't joke crudly
sometimes i wish people had respect
sometimes i wish people care
sometimes i just want to scream my feelings
sometimes i want to care
sotimes i wish i didn't
sometimes i just want to know
sometimes i just want to let go
what keeps me holding on for so long
i only wish it were far gone
i cant' interact under this spell
sometimes i feel like im in hell
who even cares about the past
i try not to
but we move so fast
i want to go back to the good old days
when evryone laughed and we all played
i want to go pack to last fall or november
and i thought i would Never say Never....

don't know what to say, expect, or want anymore...

i just need someone by my side i need a friend who understands
what happened? i just need you....  but I'm too confused to ask
i don't want to say i need you
i want you to know i need you.....
for future reference most of this stuff has nothing to do with one another
 just saying  but it's about a few specific things
 ya life just pretty much doesn't feel real at the moment

i want answers
i hate not knowing why
common sense
doesn't anyone have any of that anymore??????
my life is just turning into a big lie
why  you may ask? because people are lying
inside of it if that makes sense
i just wish somethings never happened
and somethings i never knew
and somethings i never want to know
i wish i had been smarter about my choices but i haven't been
and i pay the consequence everyday
but although my mistakes affect other people i never intentionally
do things to harm or do recklessly
I'm sorry if they have
idk everything's a jumble
i want a redo
but that will never happen
i need to stop before i bring up my past life
" its a quarter after one and I'm all alone and i need him now." 
i just want my prince charming 
SINCERELY,
sometimes i just feel like a Taylor swift song
</3 
btw this is my sonnet for English 
 

1)seeing a life of questions with much rebel
2)I'm looking and searching yet i stay still
3)lies and mistrust i feel so unsettled
4)why couldn't they tell us? the truth is real?
5)why are they gone so lost in damnation
6)living there life as free as one can be
7)but still they are unwinding unto our nation
8)there lies and lost integrity all to see.
9)irresponsible and yet i trusted
10)how could i have been so gullible to believe
11)that everything ended as what it must
12)wishing i had never had to see
13)what i only dreamed of the serious fright
14)had to be my nightmare tonight

shakespeare.......

a brilliant man filled with words spoken rhyme
but alas his writing is a little hard to recreate
frustrated and tired
i need to sleep
life is to busy for these frivolous things
you see it is pointless
and maybe up surd 
ive decided i don't like iambic penameter
i can write what i want
and it's similar to his
but its just not the same of what i wish
i need more time more lines
of more story i can't just drop everything
and say everythings dandy
i hate this assignent
with passing and fury
i hate as much as a jury on duty
i hate how he rhymes in a certain such way
i just want to write my own glorious way
this post sort of rhymes
in some certain times
i love how i see that it's just not to be
so long deaarest shakespeare
your words still live on
i just wish i could mimic your writing as song...

life in a boggle of emothions

so life's pretty hectic at the moment
school
guard
homework
more school
figuring out choir tour stuff
guard again
 work
and sleep.... (sometimes)
so first off i have had an amazing week
first by making pinterest in real life
then having guard
and going to cafe' Rio with amazing girls
then more guard
and partly just dozing in and out of consciousness
i know everything will work out
but sometimes
it's hard to remember the part that needs too
school is just in the way of my life at the moment
i feel so useless there
to them we are just a number
instead of actual people and it kind of bothers me
why can't they see that i really don't have time for there homework?
i all honesty i wasn't home for four days except to sleep
literally
it makes me sad but i know it's only for another moth or so
then life can come together and be normal again
i kind of just want to sleep
actually sleep and not have a million and one things going through my head
i want to live with no worries or regrets
i want to live with out all this stress
i need to see the light not dark
i need this journey to embark
i need you with me day and night
i need the answers of  this life
i need to see the coming light
i need to feel the warmth and bright
i just need to be me tonight
that's all i want
and what i need
but alas i sit and i just read
i read of sadness and despair
i read of lives i can not spare
i look and see the break of day
i see the people break away
i need not remember why nor how
but all i know is here and now
so here i end with my lasting prayer
knowing how and never fear

its my life not yours..

can't i make my own decisions
and not have to ask or have you tell me what to do all the time
it is my life after all and one night doesn't meant that much to me
honestly just let me make my own choices
and then everything will be fine
don't tell me no because you don't feel like doing
something or having to deal with something
 it's my job
life and i love it and I'd rather be with them then with you so let me be
good bye 
i will do what i need to
and not what you want me too...
because i know what i need and what i want and you don't 
so leave me alone
goodbye
sincerely me not you...