sunny side up please :)

counting down the hours till i leave to beautiful sunny california
VACTION
much need
sleeping on the beach
getting either a super bad sunburn or very nice tan
seeing family
going on walks
jumping in the freezing cold water
all it takes is a twelve hour drive and a whole lot of stress
to say aidios  to the weather of utah
and hello to my homeland
:) maybe see some old friends
maybe have the courage to talk to an atractive boy i have not met yet
life is full of maybes but it's when those maybe's become memories
that make them matter
it's the moment when you have a story to tell
a time to say remember when
a time for laughter, crying, inside jokes
and a time and place that will never be forgotten
it's my time
my week
my life
im going to live it
see ya later
sincerely,
i different then who i thought i would be

Through my eyes....

I come to the website often
i know it doesn't seem like it considering
i haven't posted in a while
honestly i haven't had much to say
but i have had a lot to think about.
i have a job
and i am grateful it keeps me busy
it keeps my mind off of things
i have guard
and that keeps me so i get my anger and frustrations out
i have my friends (specifically you Sydney ward)
they help me when i am down
and she stands me when i am exhausted and act crazy
i have my ward
they are Sweet kind people that know what to say and do
i have my parents that give me everything i need
i have people looking out for me
i have people who understand me
i have people i can talk to
i have people who i enjoy
and people i wish to get away from
i have my life that i have
and i have a life that i am working towards
i have the place of where i am
and i have a goal of where i want to be
i have the urge for perfection
but i know it has not been achieved
i see the lives of people ruined
and i have seen the lives of people blessed
i have that desire to be rid of this illness
but the scale begs to differ.
i have the want to be more
but i know i can't do too much
i run myself thin and eventually i burn out
i feel like i have had no break although i should have
i try to kill them with kindness but tears and hatred come instead
i have no regrets of what i have done
what i have said
or anything of the sorts
my life is mine not yours
so get out of mine if you don't like it
i really don't care anymore
about anything
and sadly about anyone
i care about the people i love and the ones close to me
but other than that i just really don't any more
i feel stupid trying to make something work that wont
i don't want it 
i don't like it
but i have realized that my life makes more sense this way
so here's to all you out there reading this or not
I'm sorry if i have ever offended you
or hurt you in some way
chances are i have but it was not intentional
but my words or actions were how i felt at the time and i don't regret them
because life is too short for WHAT IF'S 
and honestly i could possibly still feel the same way
and it very well may have been a one time thing
but heres what i know for sure
I'm not perfect
and neither are you
so stop acting like you are
and stop thinking that you are
i have a lot of blessings and i am very grateful
but just because i have them doesn't make me more or less of a person
i love
i like
i dislike
i tolerate
now just decide
which one you are and which one you would like to be
and so with seeing through my eyes i hope you see what you have meant to me
Sincerely,
everything you have isn't what you are