almost but not.....

today i almost got in a major car crash
but i didn't
today i almost died
but i didn't
i have almost gotten killed or seriously injured multiple times
but i haven't
why???
why haven't i?
why have i been so blessed?
why have i been given so many chances?
why do i get so many and others none?
i am blessed
not only that i am looked out for
i have a guardian angel
i have a spirit holding me and bounding me to this earth
i havechance after chance
for a reason unknown to me?
i am so gratful for these chances
and i haven't realized till now....
when i sat and held a baby and a toddler in my arms
and realized that they need me
and i need them
i realized that i have a purpose
ihave a meaning
and i have a reason to be here at this time
and in this place
i just need to find out what and why
sincerely,
touched by an angel
and searching for a sign

emotions

I'm really scared of what's going to come to pass
I'm scared of something i am unsure about
i am freaking out inside and i don't know how things will go
i am really just dreading everything right now...
i don't want to but i must
i do but i don't
i can't do this i just can't
I'm just hoping i end up to be wrong
wish me luck
sincerely,
a question out of pity

the sky"s my point of view...

homework
school
sacred
twitter pated
bashful
obnoxious
fun
stressed
annoying
unintentional
all words describing school
i have two major tests tomorrow that either make or break my grade
one in AP European history
the other in Pre calculus
I'm super scared i know I'm going to have an A in most of my classes but these
two are the ones that are on the edge
i have never been good at math
and history is all mashed together
i have been working so hard
more then i ever had before i care more than i ever had before
and yet i still can't get a 4.0
that's all i want  is one term where i can say i have gotten all A's
that's never happened to me
i was so close once i was .07 away from having an A in geometry ninth
grade year but when i talked to my teacher about it she wouldn't let me do anything
to get it up
i gave up
what's the point in trying if they decided your score anyways?
i tried and worked super hard and yet it never has happened
for everyone else it seems to but not me
I'm not book smart, I'm more of a people person
and i know that but i do try to do my best and don't turn in anything late
and i just want everything to fall into place
i want to go to a good college
i want to get a major in business and a minor in child psychology
i want to help teenage girls in eating disorder centers and i also want to own a cupcake shop
(contradictory... i know)
but maybe at different times
i really just want to be a mom
i love kids but i need something to fall back on just in case
i need a plan B and a plan C
i need to just graduate already!!!
oh well
for now I'm just liberal in my own little world
sincerely,
dreaming in the clouds....

end of the term

i don't think anyone realizes how much homework i have and how much stress im under
otherwise they wouldn't do the things they do
im mad
im frustrated and im done
yep and btw im grounded for being "mean"
when my sister was always like this to me but i alwys got punished for it
im done the end screw the world
screw them
and whatever else people are stupid and so are they
sincerely
im done with forever

umm so boys are complicated the end....

sometimes you need a wake up call...
sometimes i don't get everything i want
sometimes life is weird
and sometimes i feel really stupid
and sometimes i wish i weren't still
falling for you
and sometimes i wish you knew
but you don't
so I'm just awkward
story of my life
sincerely
i always seem to be unrequited
and broken to pieces

music while chasing cars

so I'm pretty proud of myself
i was super awkward
for sure
nut hey at least i got out of
my comfort zone
oh well
it was great... at least on my part
i don't know about him
but we talked about his band
his music
he actually cared about my opinion
it was grand
and who knows maybe it will lead to more chats...
hopefully....
and whatever maybe i just need to get out more
probably true
anyways ya dreams and such
ahhh i miss feeling twitter pated
and having myself catch my breath whenever i see him
or hear his name
i miss the excitement of everything :)
well as of right now everything is perfect :)
wish me luck :)
sincerely
I've got a one way ticket

only just a dream... or was it? :)

we sat we talked and we flirted it up!!!
OH BABY!!!!! :)
i haven't smiled this much in a long time :)
i havent' cared this much in a long time....
so thank you for talking to me :)
I'm in deep
head over heels
looking through a looking glass
instead of the real world
what an awesome weekend
conference
competition
sleep
and just being by myself in a world of my own
i like having peace and freedom to think
i like being able to listen to my own thoughts
without others getting in the way
i love how this weekend is fall break
i love how we have a lab in physics that we might have to get
together for :)
i love how blessed i am
i love how i can so easily find so many people to serve and how
i love being able to sit and listen to music and feel the beat
and story behind the melody
i love being able to see myself for what i am
and i love being ok with it :)
I'm grateful for modern technologies and medicines that help me
i am grateful for loving friends
i am grateful for my life and choices
i am grateful for being where i am
and where i know I'm  supposed to be
and i am grateful for missionaries who forget themselves
to put others first
i am grateful for service
i am grateful for the temple
and i am grateful for my life :) what a great one i have been blessed with :)
 sincerely,
i am more blessed then i realized
conference opened my eyes :)

clouds of color

i push
i fight
i give my all
i try to do everything
without having to fall
sometimes i trip
sometimes i stumble
just like in football
i feel like a fumble
i just can't sit here
i just can't get worse
but the sad part of it is
i know i can't get better
i feel like I'm stuck
i feel like I'm earthbound
i just want to soar
and i want to be able to see
i want to be able to feel
emotions
i want to feel something other then pain
i want to stop caring
but i know i can't
i want to just sleep
but somehow i just won't
i have homework
i have tests
i have more then one class
I'm overwhelmed
and I'm sick of everyone
sick of people
sick of drama
sick of school
sick of teachers
and sick of everyone and their dogs!!!!!!
sometimes can't we just talk without being judged
can we have a personal opinion?
are we allowed to think for ourselves?
i feel so trapped
i see nothing but through this peep hole
i want to open the door but someone has a lock and key
i want to just say how i feel
to everyone
to friends
to teachers
to guys
to special guys
to everyone
but i know they wouldn't understand
or even comprehend
i know how i think
and i know why.
sometimes i wish people realized i can think for myself
i can think logically ... trust me...
why can't people communicate?
why can't they talk to me?
why can't i just see why things happen?
why can't i know reasons?
why can't i understand things?
why does math exists?
why does no one care about learning anymore?
why can't i start my future now?
why can't i see past October?
why can't this week be done?
can't i just wake up?
September ended but I'm still in a dream...
why can't i go back to December?
why can't i change the past?
why did i do this to myself?
why can't i get better?
why does everyone seem to be standing still?
why can't people be respectful?
why can't people see how blessed they are?
why can't i go to the phillipines?
why can't i talk to my brother?
why can't we go on drives like we used to?
why can't i forget about my regrets?
why can't i see if she is ok?
why can't i talk to her?
why do i not want to?
why does she keep making the same mistakes even though
she knows the consequences
why doesn't she have better examples?
why couldn't i be an example to her?
why was she stubborn?
why wouldn't she listen?
why do things conflict with everything
why do we have to make choices?
why can't we see how philosiphers thought and why they did?
what made the middle ages so fascinating?
what is art?
what is good?
what is bad?
what is beauty?
what is this even about?
who am i?....
I am a daughter of a King
i Am a light to all nations
I am an example
i am one of the choice elect
i am me.
and thats who i'll want to be
but as for now....
im just a girl
living in this great big world
trying to fit in
find a place
and fix mistakes
im not perfect
but you aren't either
it's that simple....
sincerely,
there is more then just good and bad.
there are touches of beauty and color