Is it Worth it?

It all started Last year in October (officially it happened on October 27 at around 11:30 that night)

But i knew about it a few weeks before then.

He Said some things

He made me laugh.

He made me feel special.

But....... It didn't last....

In fact i don't feel like it ever really started...

Is that strange to say?

That for three months of worrying and heartache and stressing about all of this stuff that wasn't even real... is it strange to say that i truly believe that it was all a lie.

Fake.

Or at least from my point of view.

Yes he did those things that were so precious and girls wanted him because he was "the perfect guy ever"

but not to me.

I know that sounds rude but i don't mean it in that way i promise.

I know he's a good person.

I know hes going to be a great missionary.

and I know he will probably look back and say i was just another girl.

but to me he won't be just another guy.

Yes i liked him (past tense.)

and lets face it... it was over before it truly started.

We were probably done before Christmas break honestly....

But we kept it going and jut played along.

Yes it hurts.

and yes it will continue to hurt.

But it's not worth it for me to let him win.

Before this even started i made a promise not to have a serious "boyfriend" in high school

ad although i didn't consider him my "boyfriend" it was kind of like that. I broke that promise to myself and i regretted it (even when i was with him.)

And i know that sounds terrible and wrong and it was but I have learned since then.

I have the choice for me. and although It would be nice to have a valentine on single awareness day..... i won't. And I'm OK with that.

Lets face it.

The Idea of a guy treating you special and hugging you close from behind and telling you you're pretty is the thing we long for most. We want our lives to be a romance novel or some fairytale. and one day it will be.

I think that's why it was such a lie to me....

I think i liked the idea of it more than i liked him....

Yes that's rude but it's the truth.

He told me on October 27.

I probably didn't really like him a lot till about two weeks later.

And with when we didn't actually talk it was more of one of those third grade relationships.

you know the ones that talk to all of his buddies and say oh wow she's "cute" and then they giggle and run away never actually talking to the girl.

I know girls mature faster than guys but seriously come on do you really think we are in third grade?

Seperation of genders.

Girls have cooties stage.

Really? get serious and grow up.

Don't let a girl get her hopes up.

Don't let her feel like she's babysitting you.

And Never go against what you feel.

I should have let it go

I should have never "started" it

I should have just let it pass.

but i didn't

I went against the feeling telling me no.

and now i regret it.

and i have to live with the fact that this was never supposed to happen.

but i let it.

Don't be me.

Follow your heart.

and your brain.

and if they ever cross paths....

Follow the one with the best feeling.

don't just think it's nothing and go the other way.

it's always something.

and dont think otherwise.

Everything will get better and when all else fails .

just make lemonade with those one fruits

(grapes:)

Sincerely,

I must be very thirsty... :)