flirtations and temptations

ugh ....... once again this is a post about a boy
let's call them C and J
so I have been hanging out with C a lot lately
but I have still been talking to J just in casual conversations
then I explain to C that I don't want a relationship
he understood.... at least that's what I thought
things happened now I'm not sure if I like J or C
personally they both have great qualities I just
don't understand how I got all mixed up
if I really like them or just want to like them
or if I'm being honest or just using C I just
don't know how I feel.....
any advice? i need all the help I can get.....
sincerely,
confused as ever......

a choice or a reason

I have been contemplating a lot of different choices lately
I have made pros and cons.... cons won
maybe because I'm too stubborn but honestly maybe I just didn't want a reason pursue it
maybe I'm scared maybe I just need time
maybe I don't want anyone to get hurt
maybe Idon't want to be the one to hurt him
maybe Idon't wantto be his excuse or his reason......
but I feel like I should give him a chance
because after all .... wouldn't I want a chance?
wouldn't Iwant to prove myself?
wouldn't I want " love"
i just feel the need todo something
Ineed to be there.....
but I don't want a rerun of last year
I don't want to be an excuse.....
I just want to be me....
but I don't want to get hurt.....
sincerely,
is my reason good enough to make my choice..... ?