why?

why do i put up with it
why do i even do this?
whats the point?
it's not getting me anywhere?
i could be doing something else...
i could be with him
i could have a job
i could do so muh more with my life
why do i spend it doing this?
ive been done for a while
all i want is out
but i know i will miss it
so i stay just to bei in for fall
whats the point?
is it worth all the money?
the stress?
 the heartache???
when did i decide this is what "I wanted?"
is there time to change?
i need to talk to somone who knows...
i need to know for myself
sincerely
just break me now....

date night!!!!

so i have another date
this time it's not blind
but i get to go with him again!
I'm super excited although we
have no idea what we are doing yet
ha ha oh the joys of being us :)
Sincerely,
in the moment

dream boy....

so last night i went on a blind date
call me crazy
but it was the best date i have ever had
with the best guy i have never met
he's from Orem
he's cute
tall
funny
loving
spiritual
can do magic tricks
plays instruments
is giving
kind to everyone
and is amazing
(just to name a few)
we went on a train all the way up to salt lake
even though we had to stand and walk the entire way we had fun
we talked about breaking out into song
trying to figure out "smurfs"
talking to strangers
giving hobos money
going to dinner
dreaming of horses and cubes
talking about warm rain
being obnoxious customers
best and worst dates
planning more
talking about lord of the rings and french toast
planning our Christmas breaks together
and everyone just laughing and having a ball
i was sad to see it end
i want to re-live it again and again and again
i was sincerely worried that there were no good guys left in the world
i think I'm finally done
i think I'm over it for good
i think i can honestly say i deserve better
and i think i want it to work out with him 
i still get scared but yesterday i wasn't nervous
i was happy and loving and myself
and all i could think of was making a wish in the fountain
i saw the castle
sincerely,
a princess in waiting...  

looking at a different world.....

yes i am dramatic and make a big deal out of everything!
(sorry it's who i am) 
but hey I'm a girl
i live and i over think everything everything
thank you Bradan for making me see both sides you truly are my best friend
i just am so confused as to what's going to happen
I'm confused about how i feel
i don't know what i want
or what i expect
or anything anymore
i just want to know what the heck is going through his mind
I'm scared
I'm getting anxious
i feel like somethings going to happen
but i don't know if i will like the outcome
i just would lie to hang out with him more
just to be more comfortable
but alas there is no way to get in touch
with him.... besides face book
i know this post has been about how i feel
but i just want to make sure that he feels the same way
because i don't want to be set up for failure
and i don't want to lead him on
sincerely,
i think but still unsure