Talking with life....

All last night I thought of this moment and cried... waited to wake up and wait and hear his voice... now I hear it and I wish that I would be able to hold back the tears that fall from my eyes. Having a missionary out is hard and I understand that it probably is never easy for anyone. but knowing that he is in a different country with terrible living conditions and dirt floors and unsanitary food just adds to the pain and the tears. i miss him.... there i said it ... i have missed him since the day he left and i haven't stopped... everyday i think about him and imagine his face and voice and i wish he was still here.... but he's not. and i understand why but it still doesn't mean that it makes it any easier. at times i wish he wasn't there but i know he has to be and he is there for a reason. I talked to him and i couldn't control my emotions i just wanted to cry. but i held back the tears enough for him to speak and have a conversation with him and try to act like everything is normal and nothing has changed. but i have changed and so has he. his voice wasn't the same it wasn't the him that i knew and i think that bothered me everyone has changed and i understand that but it doesn't mean that i am OK with it. we all moved on with our lives but part of us is still in the past waiting for the two years to be up and for the rest of us to catch up. but that doesn't work for me. i want the other half of me that's gone i want it back ... but i can't for a while.. it's how i feel. I'm not sad, mad, angry, i am just frustrated. not at anyone in particular or at anything. just in general. i have been for a while and i am sorry if i have shown it and made anyone else feel badly its not on purpose just sometimes i have bad days or weeks or lately bad months. I'm sorry if i have affected anyone in a bad way i have just been overwhelmed with a lot of things in my life. i have been overwhelmed with trials and the adversary has really hit me in the face lately multiple times. just realize that i love you all. and just realize how lucky you truly are....... you never know what you have until its gone.

Merry Christmas

Family,friends, and people we love gather together and celebrate the greatest gift we could ever receive. A Savior. He came to this earth as a baby and grew and knew He was here to save us from our sins and our mistakes and the things we regret most. He came to give a us a chance that we may have the right to choose for ourselves the path that we will follow. We are all beautiful children of God and with that we must act that way. Everyday we step out into the world and just do what we do....but someone is always watching us. our actions, choices, right and wrong, good and bad, someone is always there watching. you are an example and a child of God and when a stranger sees you i hope they see the good and the glow you have not the bad day or the trials or the bitterness. Always love because YOU are ALWAYS Loved. Live life and say what you have to say but with that say only what is necessary. do not try and put others down or make people feel poorly or guilty or make them remember their mistakes. Forgive and Forget for we are not the ones to judge one another that is not an option for us. 3 Nephi 14: 1-4 "Jesus had spoken these words he turned again to the multitude, and did open his mouth unto them again,saying: verily, verily, I say unto you, judge not, that ye be judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye. but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? or how wilt thou say to thy brother: let me pull the mote out of thine eye---and behold, a beam is in thine own eye?" Love one another. that's all i can say and it is your choice to love but remember that we are all a family... and Family is supposed to love each other no matter how different, weird,or outstanding everyone has feelings and everyone has trials, we don't know how everyone feels or how anyone will react. and in that way we are the same. if you have a question ask me if you have a problem with me tell me if you care tell me but if you don't and you keep it inside and tell others about me i might just feel worse then if you actually confronted me about it. i won't hate, despise or be mad. i will simply say thank you for telling me. just tell me that's all i want is for people to love and stop all this fighting and non sense that shouldn't be happening. please it's CHRISTmas and right now more than ever if not everyday or all the time we should be Christ like.... please remember that you are not the only one who as trials or hard times... everyone does... so be kinder everyday all the time.

Boot Camp....

Yesterday I had the amazing opportunity to go to the gym with one of my bestest Friends! (Sydney) we we lifted weights, jump roped, tried to hold each other back with these bouncy cord things while the other person ran, and of course laid on yoga balls! :) and after she was done torchering me with this terrible program!!!! we just talked :) i like to talk a lot! Its is something that personally makes me.....me :) I talk about everything pretty much and tell her most of my life she knows me like i know the back of my hand. it's pretty wonderful! she knows me downs to my favorite song and when it comes on she screams in the car! "Oh my goodness! this is Sabrina's FAVORITE! song!" and not to mention she makes me laugh when she finally realizes why cup cakes are called cup cakes! ;) but he she is like my favorite person and i trust her with my life (probably a little more than she wants me to) but she is my adopted sister and my little guardian angle watching over me and making sure i don't do something stupid....even though most of the time it still happens ;)

BE COMMITTED!!!!

Be Committed. seriously people! you tried out...you made it...STICK TO IT!!!!for heavens sake! you have to be kidding me! you can't just not come when you don't feel like it! or just show up when you want to! the world does not revolve around you! i mean we can easily fill your spot but that just means the the rest of us have to work and redo a ton of things just to fix YOUR stupid hole that shouldn't need to be filled! we have like three weeks to have it all clean and done! does anyone get that we are BEHIND!!!! we need to be working our butts off but no! we are not because of you! thanks a lot pointless people who i wish didn't care so much about themselves! Care about someone else for a change!

My life in general

I am just an average person, making my way in this extremely boring world, you see I have this life I love to live. My life usually involve people and it's weird no one seems to live that way any more all they do is text or face book and stuff like that. and to that i say boring! live your life actually be out there make people remember you for you and your random doings... leave your mark on the world because if you don't your little square on this blank canvas of a world will be colorless... bring color and happiness to the world because you don't know who you can affect when you say or do something.... you just might change there lives forever and you can make the world a better place ... for everyone but especially for you. so laugh when its hard smile through the tears and dance when it rains because that's when it's the most fun :P