Just another Picture to burn.

Last night I  i hit the point to i know whats done is done and i can't change the past...

so why did i have all of this stuff reminding me of what "had" been and what "could have been"

 why did i have to deal with all of that stuff? i didn't want to anymore.

 I know he hates me and i know that we are no longer "together" if that's what we were

 and i know that we are no longer friends because i know he wants nothing to do with me

which is very depressing because that's all i ever wanted was to be friends

and have that friendship that was possible but didn't happen.

it's over. its not going to be the same. and we will be awkward for a long time.

 he will continue to not talk to me. and i will continue to try and make this work.

but right now i can't deal with all of this garbage.

this stress., drama, nonexistent friendships, people, school, and people pretending to be something they're not.

we sit at lunch and it all feels fake. it feels like we all just can't deal with each other

 it feels that everyone is on a different team it feels like we are moving on from our lives

by slowly drifting apart but wanting to stay the same so we awkwardly say hi

and try to talk about things that really don't matter to us.

 i don't know about all of you out there but i feel like I'm putting on a mask to the rest of the world

 because i don't want to deal with every ting that everyone is going through.

i care about people very deeply and i listen to there problems and try to talk to people

 and such but in the end we all have a superficial relationship with each other

. not all of us like i know i love talking to some people about stuff

but people that I'm "friends with"(some of them not all) if you could even call us tha

t i used to Love hanging out with and having a fun time but now i know they have changed

 and i know i have changed and i don't like what some of them are becoming.

why do i even care so much anymore? i don't even know.

 so last night i contemplated allot about this and well i decided

why hold on to something that's was never real to begin with.

 that's how i feel it was, a dream, a want, a moment, a nonexistent high school "love"

when i never really loved. I got rid of it.

the memories, the feelings ( or trying to work on that one), the moments of happiness,

the stress, drama, and i burned it all away.

you used to be my hero and i thought you understood,

and i thought things would be different but guess what i hate you now.

 ( yes i know hate is a strong word but i am using it because that i how i feel and im sorry that i do.) 

things should have never happened.

i wish it never happened, because now i lost a good friend, i used to really care about.

but now i just think of you as a bad memory.

and just a picture to burn so i can try to forget what "was"

let me know when we're done being third graders,

let me know when you want to talk,

cause im done.

with you.

i want to be friends but as for this moment

i need to step back and let go.

and let go of my past.

learn from it.

and know that it wasn't real.

maybe it was to me,

but to you it seemed like all a joke.

a joke that you could play and mess with.

manipulate and crush.

so now i bid you farewell because

paper's flamable and thats what i was holding onto.

its breakable

just like me and you.

but guess what you can repaired ripped paper with tape

(even though it will never be the same)

but you can't repair the ashes of what once was.

so now your just a  pile of ash in my life of fire.

Sincerely,

I'm trying to move on....