clouds of color

i push
i fight
i give my all
i try to do everything
without having to fall
sometimes i trip
sometimes i stumble
just like in football
i feel like a fumble
i just can't sit here
i just can't get worse
but the sad part of it is
i know i can't get better
i feel like I'm stuck
i feel like I'm earthbound
i just want to soar
and i want to be able to see
i want to be able to feel
emotions
i want to feel something other then pain
i want to stop caring
but i know i can't
i want to just sleep
but somehow i just won't
i have homework
i have tests
i have more then one class
I'm overwhelmed
and I'm sick of everyone
sick of people
sick of drama
sick of school
sick of teachers
and sick of everyone and their dogs!!!!!!
sometimes can't we just talk without being judged
can we have a personal opinion?
are we allowed to think for ourselves?
i feel so trapped
i see nothing but through this peep hole
i want to open the door but someone has a lock and key
i want to just say how i feel
to everyone
to friends
to teachers
to guys
to special guys
to everyone
but i know they wouldn't understand
or even comprehend
i know how i think
and i know why.
sometimes i wish people realized i can think for myself
i can think logically ... trust me...
why can't people communicate?
why can't they talk to me?
why can't i just see why things happen?
why can't i know reasons?
why can't i understand things?
why does math exists?
why does no one care about learning anymore?
why can't i start my future now?
why can't i see past October?
why can't this week be done?
can't i just wake up?
September ended but I'm still in a dream...
why can't i go back to December?
why can't i change the past?
why did i do this to myself?
why can't i get better?
why does everyone seem to be standing still?
why can't people be respectful?
why can't people see how blessed they are?
why can't i go to the phillipines?
why can't i talk to my brother?
why can't we go on drives like we used to?
why can't i forget about my regrets?
why can't i see if she is ok?
why can't i talk to her?
why do i not want to?
why does she keep making the same mistakes even though
she knows the consequences
why doesn't she have better examples?
why couldn't i be an example to her?
why was she stubborn?
why wouldn't she listen?
why do things conflict with everything
why do we have to make choices?
why can't we see how philosiphers thought and why they did?
what made the middle ages so fascinating?
what is art?
what is good?
what is bad?
what is beauty?
what is this even about?
who am i?....
I am a daughter of a King
i Am a light to all nations
I am an example
i am one of the choice elect
i am me.
and thats who i'll want to be
but as for now....
im just a girl
living in this great big world
trying to fit in
find a place
and fix mistakes
im not perfect
but you aren't either
it's that simple....
sincerely,
there is more then just good and bad.
there are touches of beauty and color