happy to be happy

today did not go as planned and honestly I'm glad it didn't
i went and had an adventure with some of the most darling caring FUNNY and super good friends of mine
i have never smiled so much in my life
i miss the good ole days
i honestly do
i miss him  more than any of you know
and it hurts sometimes more than it should
i know
i try to control it
sometimes i explode
sometimes i cry
sometimes i just stare into his eyes
and sometimes he stares back...
i long for it to be the way it was
but at the same time i want different
i don't want the same
i want the truth
I'm not a fake person
not anymore
i am who i am
and if you don't like that than simply walk away
because frankly I'm not going to pretend
I'm someone I'm not
you can wish for things to go back to the way they were but
I'm happy
i still wish
i still hope
and i still dream of him
(more than i should)
but i do
 (hey at least I'm honest
 because the one thing i can't stand in this world is a liar
and I'm not a hypocrite) 
today has probably been the first time i have smiled for me
in a few years
i miss being happy
i miss smiling because i wanted to not because i was forced to
i miss being me
all i want is a break
just six months
that's all i ask for
just a vacation with no troubles
no worries
no strife
just laughter
and smiles
and him
that's all
you don't have to agree
because i know you don't understand
i know you don't care
and i know what you think
but i don't care
because we have lost sight in each other
but i haven't lost sight in me
in fact right now
i know me
more than ever before
and i know why i do the things i do
and i know what i want
Sincerely,
That's all I ask of you